Home Sweet Home

by Syafiq Azhari

Having spent 2 days for Home Sweet Home Course in Toronto, I learned something new and basically it’s all about marriage. It’s never too early to equip myself with all these kind of knowledge. The more I get, the better I am. In fact, this is my second time and the first time was last year before coming to Canada.

But these two are of different levels in terms of acceptability because it was my dad the one who secretly registered me during the first program back in Malaysia and I found that I was the youngest during the program, kind of shy when people ask me why do you come here? Haha, suke hati laaa. But this time around, no one forced me and I did intentionally join the course. Some people might have different views, and all those depend on different individuals.

For me, it’s good to have an early overview and knowledge about marriage because you never know when you will get married. Even married people came and to my surprise, many mid-aged people did attend the program. Maybe they want to show us some support and they were actively participating, expressing their opinions about personal problems and solutions during the session.

Personally, it opened my thoughts on several things and made me think deeper. Back in Malaysia, the trend of getting married early might not widely practiced, maybe because of cultural constraints. Many people have a say that you have to hold a degree and have a career in the first place before going any further.

I don’t want to comment about this, but some people might be skeptical, and have mix opinions about early marriage. For instance, couple would end up in divorce, they won’t stand too long due to lack of experiences, they won’t have sufficient fund because they are still studying and all. However, examine the following verse carefully…

Allah says in the Quran, “And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, God will enrich them from His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing.” (An- Nur 24:32)

The words “And marry…” implies that it is highly recommended. For some cases, some scholars have agreed that it will become obligatory when there is a chance of falling into sin.

On another occasion Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said: "The best people of my ummah are those who get married and have chosen their wives, and the worst people of my ummah are those who have kept away from marriage and are passing their lives as bachelors."

If you have even a slightest thought that you are not yet ready, you certainly not yet ready. But, leaning the future merely based on our thoughts is not the best practice. In fact, there are four steps in choosing a right spouse according to Islam. Istishaarah, Istikhaarah, trust and determination.

He knows better what is right…

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ibnuazlan said...

Ya Akhi, I got your back! Call me for Istishaarah okay? LOL

Syafiq Azhari said...

Boleh2...jumpa lagi 8 May...insyaAllah..

ibnuazlan said...

8 May aku xnak jumpa ko sorang2 je. If you know what I mean (*wink)

Anas said...

kesimpulan: datangla knowledge HIVE

Future Murabbi said...

"...it was my dad the one who secretly registered me during the first program back in Malaysia..."
OMG! can't believe this.

nway, pengaruh aiman smakin berleluasa. habisla..

Syafiq Azhari said...

to aiman: okeyh, delegasi2 dari hamilton insyaAllah akan datang skali...:)

to anas: x boleh la...balik Malaysia..hntr aiman je la yg pegi..

to future murabbi:pengaruh ape ni...haha...xde lah...

ibnuazlan said...

@syafiq: hai, bkn tu maksud aku bro. buat2 x phm plak. kena la dtg ngn ko punya better half. kalu x, pintu umah baldwin akan dikunci. muahaha...

@future: apa pasai plak? patutnya kena bersyukur la. haha...

everjihad said...

long time haven't jump in to your blog!

well, reading the title of this post attract me to be here.hehe

tercapture dengan nio.

paling tak bleh bla ayat ni

'u never know when u get married'


bleh ke ade sudden marriage?

sounds like scary r plak.

can accept
'u never know when u gonna die'

'u never know when u get married'

quit sceptical..


everjihad said...

oh ya. forgot.

istishaarah tu ape??

tak pernah dengar.

istikhaarah penah r gak.



mind to elaborate?

jazakallah in advance

hudasaffry said...

@everjihad : Istishaarah tu usaha. Teringat Ust Hasrizal ad sebut dalam forum Baitul Muslim aritu, selain istikharah, kite kene istishaarah. Semua bnda ada pasangannya. So, istikharah tu, pasaangan dia istisharah. Betulkan kalau salah yer =)

@syafiq : Haha, buat2 xfaham yg xtahan tu. Sekali bace pon da boleh faham maksud Aiman ;)

ibnuazlan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ibnuazlan said...

@everjihad: Based on what we have learned at the course, Istishaarah means that you ask other people about your potential spouse. Those people who are close to him/her that you are interested in. You can ask anything that is relevant to you e.g. his/her behavior, availability, family, etc.

There are 4 things that you must go through BEFORE proposing:

1. Istishaarah
2. Istikharah
3. Azam
4. Tawakkal

To explain the third point (Azam), you can't be half-hearted about it. No play play as Phua Chu Kang will say. There is grave consequence for going against your Istikharah signs. If the signs says No, then you can't go against it. If Yes, then follow through with your intention. The signs of Istikharah don't have to be a dream like most people think.

@huda: Finally, someone gets it. LOL

everjihad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Affan Ruslan said...

Aiman: ada ada perempuan x. Aku nk istishaarag dgn kau lah!

Anonymous said...

@aiman: interesting. Thanks for sharing it in details.

btw, how you might know the answer is no?

how you might identify the 'signs'?

maybe you can elaborate more.

as in, the sign itself mostly are subjective.

how you might know all those things?

i'm just curious about the sign from istikharah for a long time ago. but people..dont get me wrong though. istikharah in general matters. doesnt necessarily on jodoh matterss.

well, if it is clear cut black and white, and the answer in return to you come objectively as NO, that much easier.

If yes is bold, that doesn't matter.

If no is bold too, that doesn't matter too.

And if and only if both answer can be YES and NO boldly, that will be totally awesome.

but what if you somehow feel not sure and always have the doubt. maybe a minute after your istikharah you might feel strong with your intention(not necessarily to be propose, here), but just after some time, you feel am I doin the right thing? or maybe I should just forget about it.

can I trust this is really the sign from Him?

or maybe that just my own feeling.

well here are the problematics that I've been experienced. Expose it here as I know many other people question me the same thing too.

So, I bet it's not just me that face the problem. But indeed it is common problem mostly among us.

Syafiq Azhari said...

@aiman: thanks for the explanation Aiman...padat dan tepat..manthop..:)

@huda: thnks jugak huda..bagus2...bleh jd ustazah ni...hehe

@everjihad:I mean, we would never know in the future when will we get married...in 2 years time, or maybe 3 years time...and to equip yourself with all the knowledge, we have to start it now...even if u r going to get married after 10 years pn, still kne start belajar dr skrg...sbb benda ni bkn benda kecik...at least u would have a strong foundation...the strong foundation is the best foundation...kn3? btul x?

@affan: :)

@anonymous: btul2..ramai yg ade problem nih...aiman, tolong explain sikit? i know u might have a better explanation that u could share with us...thnks in advance..:)

ibnuazlan said...

I will explain it in my blog. Baitul Muslim 101...coming soon!

Anonymous said...

to mr.aiman,

benda baik tak baik tangguh-tangguh.

why not just make it double post.
post it here, and post it there. both insha Allah will have benefit to all.

in fact, the istikharah not really necessarily related to BM. somehow just a common matter and we are looking for an answer and the signs from istikharah.

Indeed, an explaination is needed as for now.(who knows there is hambah Allah that searching for the answer, and google2 tup2 got the answer here. who knows..)

good thing can't wait.
just do it.

ibnuazlan said...

You have a point. My apologies. Here goes. Bismillah.

The 1st thing that you have to remember is that you can't wait for a light from the sky to beam straight on you to identify it as a sign. Of course I'm exaggerating, but you got my point. Hopefully.

Remember, the signs of Allah are subtle.

Let me quote what you wrote:

"maybe a minute after your istikharah you might feel strong with your intention(not necessarily to be propose, here), but just after some time, you feel am I doin the right thing? or maybe I should just forget about it."

Well, seems to me that it's a NO sign. ^_^

You shouldn't have any doubt after Istikharah. If you feel that something is wrong with the decision that you're going to make, then that's a NO.

After Istikharah, your Niah (intention) should be stronger.

I hope that helps.


Syafiq Azhari said...

@aiman: thnks aiman...a clear explanation indeed...nice one..

everjihad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
everjihad said...

@aiman :

well-said indeed. I am totally agree with you.

I asked the same question to Shaykh Muhammad Al-Shareef.

But this one is specifically regarding istikharah on jodoh matter.

Just sharing this with all of you so that you may take this aside as part of searching the answer.

I'm asking him, how we might know the answer of our istikharah? How can we determine that one that we feel might seems good for us is the right/ really good one for us?

How can we be pretty sure that the feeling of either yes and no are not 'disturb' and distract by other factors.(i'm not really asking exactly like this but some how like this)

and he replied,(also not really exactly coz i half-half remember and forgot but somehow sounds like this)

well, if that the case. Just go for it. Act on it. Act on what is right to do and supposedly to do. If after that Allah ease your way, meaning it can be YES to your istikharah. But if after that you face so much difficulties, it might means it's not for you at the moment or forever and yet it means NO.

Just sharing this a piece of information. Indeed I feel it is important and significant in determining who might be our life partner or even in any decisions.

as every decisions we make are somehow a turning point of our life.

Wallahu'alam bissowab.
Wallahu musta'an.

ibnuazlan said...

@everjihad: Dead on!

everjihad said...

@aiman: dead on? tak paham. try translate in malay. hmm. 'mati ar'? sounds weird..

Affan Ruslan said...

syafiq: ada contributor ek blog ko ni? :)
hehe. kidding.

everjihad said...

@affan : ko ni kan affan x abes2 eh. hu.

well, i cant deny the fact that i am 'long comment' person. just couldn't help myself for being myself. well well well soon you will know if you catch up in much of my comments on people's blog. ok.

so bear with me! ahaks.

Syafiq Azhari said...

@affan: hahaha...affan2..maybe lepas ni aku patut grant permission to conributors...

@everjihad: hahaha...jgn risau...contributors are proudly welcomed here...btw, thnks for the inputs...and aiman as well...

ibnuazlan said...

@everjihad: It means exactly correct or accurate.